I Can See Tomorrow In Your Eyes
by CelticFaerie2
Summary: Jack is by Michelle's side during a difficut experience. NOT JM. Very TM, but Tony can't be with his wife right now. Please R&R. Thanks!
1. Default Chapter

Title: I Can See Tomorrow In Your Eyes (1?)  
Author: Michelle,  
Rating: Average  
Warnings: Lots of Tony/Michelle!Angst..  
Fandom: 24 Spoilers: Through Day 3. AU after that.  
Characters: Michelle, Tony, Jack  
Disclaimer: Genius to Cochran and Surnow. Credit to Carlos Bernard and Reiko Aylesworth for playing Tony and Michelle so beautifully. Kiefer Sutherland is Jack Bauer.  
Summary: Life goes on.  
Notes: Completely independant of the other fics I've been posting.  
Feedback: PLEASE!

I can't believe I told him to go home last night. I'm so glad he didn't listen. He slept on the couch, since I sleep in the spare room now. I still can't bear to sleep in my own bed, in Tony's bed.

The pain started a little after one. I tried to ignore it, tried to convince myself it was false labor again. We were on the way to the hospital by two. By three wanted to die, and by four I was ready to kill everyone in the room. Including Jack.

At six thirty-seven, my contractions were less than a minute a part. Jack sat beside me, holding my hand, stroking my hair, whispering words meant to comfort. He'd been my breathing coach, my rock, my sanity. I never could have done this without him.

"You're doing great," he assured me. I nodded even though I didn't feel like I was doing great, or even good. I was crying and in pain and cursing everyone who so much as looked at me.

"I just want this to be over," I muttered.

"It won't be long now," Dr Collins stated before Jack could respond. "Give me one more push. That's it. Come on. You can do it, Michelle."

I grit my teeth against the pain, and silently cursed Dr Collins for refusing to put me under and do a cesarean section like I wanted. It wasn't the pain that scared me, but the babies themselves. It's hard to explain, but...I'm just not ready. I've had nine months to get used to the idea and now that it's happening, I'm so afraid...what if I can't love them? What if I look at them and I just can't...

"Okay. It's coming. I can see the head. Don't push, Michelle. Relax. It's almost over."

Seven thirteen. "It's a boy," Dr Collins announced. I felt a sudden and swift change of internal pressure. I kept my eyes locked on Jack, and Jack held my gaze. Somewhere over his shoulder, I was aware of a nurse taking my son away to clean him up on the other side of the room.

"Okay, Michelle. Listen to me," Dr Collins put a hand on my knee. "Don't push. Whatever you do, don't push."

Jack squeezed my hand. Dr Collins asked him to step aside with her. They whispered back and forth, Jack's eyes clouding and taking on a worried look. He came back to my side, squeezed my hand again.

"The chord seems to be wrapped around the other baby's neck. Dr Collins says a C-section might be the only way to save him," Jack explained calmly. My gaze drifted to the other side of the room. I could see my son's tiny leg kick at the air.

I nodded. "Please..."

I was whisked to another room and they made Jack stay outside. I was too weak and scared to argue. 

My body felt heavy and numb when I woke up. Jack was there, my rock, holding one hand and gently stroking my hair. "Hey," he smiled when I opened my eyes. "Glad to see you're awake."

"Hey," I managed weakly. I tried to lift my arm, but it didn't want to cooperate.

"Shhhh," Jack murmured. "Don't try to talk. I'll get Dr Collins. Lay still, okay? Don't try to move."

He went to the door and called out in the hallway. I couldn't hear what he said. It didn't matter.

"What..."

"It's okay. The chord was around her neck. She's fine. It's a girl. You've got a handsome baby boy and a beautiful little girl. I'm sure you can see them in a few minutes."

I just closed my eyes. How could I tell Jack I was afraid to see them? Afraid I'd look at them and...and feel nothing but fear. I should tell him. He'd understand. But then how could I justify not telling him what happened nine months ago?

I never told anyone. I couldn't. I thought...when I found out I was pregnant, everyone assumed it had to be Tony's and I tried to convince myself of it as well. But the simple truth is I don't know. I really don't know.

"How are you feeling?" Dr Collins asked, her way too cheery voice filling the room.

I opened my eyes and tried to smile. "Like I got run over."

"That's common," she smiled. She checked my vital signs. "Everything looks good. Do you want to meet your babies?"

I glanced at Jack. What could I do but nod? 

"I'll have a nurse bring them down."

Jack watched her leave the room, then turned to me, his eyes deep and intense. I knew that look. He was thinking, and I'd have to do some fast talking or hope the nurse came in before he could get into interrogation mode. "What's wrong?" he asked softly.

"I'm just...really tired. Giving birth is exhausting."

He nodded and reached up to rub his chin. He hadn't shaved for a few days, and little prickly hairs dotted his jawline. He seemed to accept that, at least for now. He'd know...as soon as the babies were in the room and I had no choice but to look at them, he'd know...

They were in the same cradle. Bassinet. Whatever it's called. The boy wore blue, the girl was in pink. His little legs were kicking wildly, she wasn't moving at all.

There was no way to know. Maybe in time...if they grew to look like their father...Right now, they were just...beautiful innocent babies.

"Do you want to hold them?"

The nurse placed my son in my arms. Jack held my little girl. "Have you thought about names?"

I shook my head. I can't do this. I just can't do this. I thought I would know when I saw them, when I held them. I thought I would feel it somehow. I'd know if they were Tony's or...or...or not Tony's.

"It's okay. You have time to think about it still," the nurse chirped.

Jack lay my daughter against my chest and lifted the boy out of my arms.


	2. Chapter Two

I can See Tomorrow In Your Eyes (2?)

Author: Michelle

Rating: Average

Warnings: Lots of Tony/Michelle!Angst..

Fandom: 24 Spoilers: Through Day 3. AU after that.

Characters: Michelle, Tony, Jack

Disclaimer: Genius to Cochran and Surnow. Credit to Carlos Bernard and Reiko Aylesworth for playing Tony and Michelle so beautifully. Kiefer Sutherland is Jack Bauer.

Summary: Life goes on.

Notes: Completely independant of the other fics I've been posting.

Word Count: 1245

Feedback: PLEASE!

"Ready?" Jack asked. I nodded. Definitely ready to leave the hospital. Not so sure about taking the babies home. I named the boy Antonio Jack, shortened to AJ, after the two most important men in his life.

I struggled with the girl's name a bit more. I thought about naming her Isabel after Tony's mother, or Danielle for my brother Daniel. I finally settled on Alexis because I'd always liked that name, and I used Danielle for the middle name.

Jack placed them both in my arms once I was sitting in the wheel chair. A nurse pushed us out while Jack went to get the car. Jack is such the gentleman. He took Alexis first, secured her in her little car seat before repeating the process with her brother on the other side. Taking AJ from my arms, he told me not to move.

He opened the door for me and put his arm out to help me up. I allowed him to dote on me because it felt good. And Tony…Tony would do the same, I knew. I wondered if Tony got my message about he babies. They wouldn't let me talk to him when I called the prison, because he'd been involved in a fight the night before and was on restriction. Which also meant I couldn't see him for at least a week.

"How're you feeling?" Jack asked once we were on the road and leaving the hospital in the distance.

I glanced back at the babies. Their seats were rear-facing, so I couldn't really see them. Maybe that was just as well. Everytime I looked at either of them, I tried to analyze their features. They were still too small to tell, but I could swear AJ looked just like his daddy.

"Tired. I just want to lay down in my own bed and sleep."

Jack laughed. "Don't count on that. When Kim was a baby, I don't think I slept at all that first year. Six months at least. And there was only one of her."

"One of her, and two of you." I hadn't meant to say that out loud. But there it was. Hanging in the air between us. No one ever mentioned Teri anymore, and Tony was practically taboo too.

Jack didn't say anything for a moment. It looked to me that his hands gripped the steering wheel just a little tighter. After a moment, he flexed his fingers. "Do you want me to stay with you? For a few days, at least until you get used to the routine?"

I closed my eyes. I'd wanted to ask him to stay with me, but I didn't know how to go about it. "Yes. Jack, that would be…Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. But you're welcome." He patted my knee. My skin burned under my slacks and all the way up to my cheeks. I looked out the window, glad he was focused on driving.

"I don't even know if Tony knows I had the babies." Something else I hadn't meant to say out loud. Hadn't meant to mention Tony so bluntly. Behind me, AJ gurgled.

"You didn't talk to him?"

"The warden wouldn't let me. Said he was involved in a fight."

Jack didn't respond, but he didn't have to. I could see the wheels turning in his head. Jack and I both knew if Tony was involved in a fight, someone else attacked him. He took a lot of shit in that prison, and the guards did little or nothing to protect him because he was a convicted traitor. No one cared why he did what he did, or that the bad guy was caught anyway.

I sighed. I needed to change the subject before I started crying. If I did cry, I could easily blame it on the hormones. "Jack, listen. I don't want you to sleep on the couch. You can…you can have the master bedroom."

"No way." He glanced over at me, his face blank.

"Just because I can't sleep in that bed doesn't mean no one can. It's crazy to let it sit there with you on the couch. I know that's not comfortable."

"I don't care about my comfort, Michelle." Something about the way he said my name sent a shiver up my spine. The hormones again. It had to be the hormones.

We drove the last few minutes in silence. Not even the babies made a sound. At the house, I was tempted to let Jack get both babies to bring them inside, but that was hardly fair. AJ was in the seat behind him, I took Alexis out of her seat.

The babies slept through the early afternoon. I'd fed them at the hospital, so I knew they wouldn't be hungry for a while.

"I don't want you sleeping on the couch, Jack. It wouldn't be good for your back."

"I just don't think…"

Impulsively, I put a hand over his lips. "Then don't think. Jack, that bed has been sitting there for nine months. No one's going to care if you sleep in it. I just can't. We'll put fresh sheets on it and I don't want any arguments."

Jack threw his arms up in the air in mock defeat. "I'm gonna head over to my place and get a few things. Will you be all right?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I'll be fine." My eyes drifted to the living room where the babies were sleeping. What would I do if they woke up? i I'm not ready to be alone with them. I'm not sure I'll ever be ready. Don't leave me, Jack. Don't leave me… /i 

As soon as Jack was gone, I went upstairs to the master bedroom. I'd moved most of my stuff to the guest room, leaving an empty shell of a place where Tony used to live. The same sheets were on the bed, even the magazine he'd been reading that last night we were together lay on the table beside the bed.

I stood for a long time staring at the bed. I needed to pull the sheets off, I knew I had to do it, but it was like I just couldn't force myself to move. There was only one thing to do. I counted to ten, and at ten I would just do it. I'd just reach forward and pull the top sheet off, let it bunch up on the floor. One…Two…Three…And the next thing I knew, I was laying face down on the bed, holding Tony's pillows, crying uncontrollably.

The babies were crying. They sounded so far away. And I didn't care. No. That's not right. I wasn't that I didn't care. I just couldn't move. They were so far away and I couldn't move.

"Michelle?" I blinked. i Tony? /i I turned toward the door. Tony was there, holding the babies. Only…it wasn't Tony. It was Jack. He disappeared from the doorway, returned a moment later without the babies. They were crying again. He'd put them in their cribs.

Jack knelt beside me, and I felt his fingers in my hair. "Shhhh. Shhhh." He cooed. "You don't have to do this, Michelle."

I felt myself pull toward him. He was on his knees beside the bed. I scooted close to him, wrapped my arms around him. He put his arms around me. I buried my face in his neck, he stroked my back in a slow, circular pattern.


	3. Chapter Three

I can See Tomorrow In Your Eyes (3?)  
Author: Michelle  
Rating: Average  
Warnings: Lots of Tony/Michelle!Angst..  
Fandom: 24 Spoilers: Through Day 3. AU after that.  
Characters: Michelle, Tony, Jack  
Disclaimer: Genius to Cochran and Surnow. Credit to Carlos Bernard and Reiko Aylesworth for playing Tony and Michelle so beautifully. Kiefer Sutherland is Jack Bauer.  
Summary: Life goes on.  
Notes: Completely independant of the other fics I've been posting.  
Word Count: 1000  
Feedback: PLEASE!

The babies were crying. Again. Maybe only one. It's hard to tell. I think it's the boy. He seems to be a lot more vocal than his sister.

Jack pulled away from me, and I was momentarily stunned to realize we were still in the bedroom. I was practically in his lap, clinging to him. He put his hand to my hair as I sat up. "Take a few minutes to pull yourself together," he said softly. He always spoke so softly. "I'll take care of the twins."

I nodded. I wasn't going to argue with him about that. In fact, I wouldn't have argued if he wanted to take them back to his place and leave me alone. Except I didn't really want to be alone either. I wanted to love my babies, I wanted to hold them and kiss them and cherish them.

Jack turned around at the door and smiled reassuringly. I wondered if he'd realized something was off. I was using Tony's ghost to mask my indifference to the babies. He'd pick up on it sooner or later, and then he'd start questioning me.

Once he was gone from my sight, I felt both relief and emptiness. Momentary panic bubbled in my throat and I couldn't breathe. I closed my eyes, forced a deep breath, and swung my legs over the side of the bed.

I went to Tony's dresser. I hadn't touched his things for nine months because I wanted everything to be the way he left it when he came back. Realistically I know he's not coming back. He's in prison, and he'll be there until the day he dies. But I'm no ready to give up on him coming home. I need him to come home to me.

I caressed the knobs on one of the drawers before I opened it. In a way, the fact I can't see or talk to Tony for a few days is a blessing. I felt so weak and vulnerable, and I knw I would lose any and all control I had left if I had to look into his eyes.

I still had my hand on Tony's drawer when Jack came to the doorway, a baby in his arms. I wondered if the sadness in his eyes was from thinking about Teri and the child she was carrying when she died. Maybe he could find peace within himself through m children.

"I think they're hungry," Jack explained. I nodded. My breasts were heavy with milk, and I could have said I'd do it. No words came out, and after a moment, Jack said. "Alexis is in her crib. I'll take AJ to the kitchen with me, unless you want to hold him."

I shook my head. Dear God, that should be Tony standing there holding our son. His son. "I was just going to go freshen up."

Jack nodded and stepped away. I pulled out a T-shirt and a pair of Tony's sweat pants from the drawer. They would be too big, but I didn't care. Wearing Tony's clothes would make me feel loser to Tony, and that's what I needed. I needed him so bad.

Jack was wonderful, I don't know what I would have done without him. But he's not my husband. He's not my forever.

I had to walk past the nursery to get to the stairs. I could hear my daughter gurgling the way babies do. I could have gone in there to get her. I should have. But I couldn't. I just…couldn't.

Jack was heating up two bottles, in a pot on the stove. He was working one handed, with the baby resting perfectly in the crook of his arm. He would have made a great dad. I wonder what he was like when Kim was a baby.

"Is something wrong?" he asked without looking at me. His voice was his usually whispery calm, and yet I felt my spine stiffen. The words put me on the defensive, because I wasn't ready o talk about it. I'd had nine months to think about it, and I still couldn't fully accept it. Is it still denial when you know something, and yet refuse to admit it, even to yourself?

I didn't, couldn't, answer right away. He looked over his shoulder at me, his eyes darkening slightly when he saw the clothes I was wearing. His only comment was to say my name. And the way he sai it, the heartbrokenness of his voice, made me want to cry.

"I'm fine."

"You're not." Two words, that's all he said. Two words that completely tore down my defenses.

I hadn't done anything with my hair, so it just kind of hung there in my face. I ran my hand through it, mostly for something to do, mostly to try to hide the fact my hand was shaking.

"Talk to me, Michelle," Jack murmured. I shook my head. What could I say? I couldn't tell him why I was so afraid to touch my own children. I couldn't tell him…

I knew he must have thought I was just upset because giving birth is an emotionally exhausting experience, and Tony wasn't there with me. Tony couldn't be there with me. Tony should have been there, should have been right there in that kitchen with me, celebrating the birth of our babies. He couldn't possibly know there was a good chance they weren't Tony's babies at all.

"Oh sweetheart," Jack moved toward me and wrapped his free arm around me. "I know it's hard. He should be here, and I know I'm a poor substitute."

"No, Jack. You're…I'm glad you're here." That was true, I would be eternally grateful for Jack after this, but we both knew he shouldn't be there. Tony should.

He gave a gentle squeeze with his arm, and I leaned in to him, buried my face against his chest. The baby's foot brushed against me head, and I only cried harder.


End file.
